攀登老师春节奉献2012年春晚经典台词中英对照版，时间仓促，不足指出请多指正。
我走红的时候还没有青歌赛呢！群口相声《小合唱》
There is no Singers' Competition when I am in fashion.
今年龙年春晚的舞台太奇妙了，不光演员帅，男主持人也很帅。李咏调侃朱军
What a enchanting Spring Festival Gala. Both the performers and the hosts are handsome.
我比吹牛级别高，我是骗人。毕福剑和董卿开玩笑
I am better than talking big. I am deceiving.
拿笤帚的，不一定是清洁工，说不定就是哈利波特。小品《天网恢恢》
It is possible that those who carry brooms are not cleaners but Harry Porter.
你脑子进地沟油了吧。小品《天网恢恢》
Pal, are you out of your mind?
李婶怎么是外人呢？她是我内人，老板才是外人。小品《天网恢恢》
Can Aunt Li be an outsider? She is my intimate friends while my boss is the outsider.
有你这么皱皱巴巴的新人吗？难道是核桃皮吗？撒贝宁调侃毕福剑
Is there any new comers whose face are full of wrinkles? Maybe the skin of the peanuts?
黄宏怕盒饭凉了，就脱了棉大衣盖上。邵峰说：“怪不得导演说最近盒饭一股大衣味儿。”黄宏反驳：“那我还没说大衣一股盒饭味儿呢！”邵峰不依不饶：“你那破大衣，有点盒饭味儿，就等于喷香水了！”小品《荆轲刺秦》
Your overcoat is sprayed with perfume if it smells of box lunch.
太监没有儿子，你不能没爹。小品《荆轲刺秦》
Eunuches don't have sons, but you must have a father.
穿越，穿越，征服一切。小品《荆轲刺秦》
Penetration,penetration, Conquer everything.
你每个草率的决定都关系我的未来。小品《今天的幸福》
Your random decisions have deep impact on my future.
别计较自己没什么，多想想自己有什么。小品《今天的幸福》
Don't complain about what you don't have, think about what you do have now.
速度快到没有人能看得到。刘谦《魔术》
Faster beyong the eyesight.
刘谦对董卿说：托我的福，听说你也有了一个新封号：“托”塔天王。刘谦《魔术》
董卿对刘谦说：两年了，我变了。刘谦《魔术》
Two years past, I am not what I used to be.
纽约有这么祥和吗？这里是伟大的北京。相声《爱的代驾》
Could New York be so peaceful like this? This is great Beijing.
现在老板的媳妇有年纪大的吗？相声《爱的代驾》
Nowadays, bosses' wives are old ones?
这俩眼睛，真给脸省地方。相声《爱的代驾》
Look at those eyes. Save space for the face.
做人要厚道。相声《爱的代驾》
Honesty is the best policy.
她的跑车，弥补得了跑人吗？相声《爱的代驾》
Does her sports car make up the loss of husband?
方圆一公里都是雷区。相声《爱的代驾》
You can hear the thunders within a mile.